The first thing that comes to mind is that I am selfish! I want to do what I want to do, when I want to do it! I want my time to be my time! What a revelation!
I do love to study God's Word, but I like to do other things too. I guess I just need to find a balance. Maybe that's what God wants me to do right now.
Right now I am feeling very disorganized, in my home and spiritually. I really want a place for everything and everything in its place. I love to create, but right now my space to craft (craft room) has been invaded by my oldest son, (God bless him) who is here temporarily. Well it has been a year now, since he came to stay. But, he can stay as long as he needs. Our door is always open to our children, when they need help.
I have not yet completed anything; all the OBS studies I have started (although I have finished reading the books for the last two OBS), all the crafts I have started, all the health activities I have started. I see a pattern here. Do you?
I have asked God to please tell me what to do to get this fixed; to get balance in my life. I've tried to physically organize my things, but nothing is working. I need to finish everything I've started. "God, please show me what to do."
In Palms. 19:7-11 One New Man Bible (ONMB) says: (my rendition) God is the thread that pulls my life together. He knows what is hidden in my heart. (He convicts me and corrects me.) God's Word is perfect: it restores my inner being. It shows me the right way to live and the direction I should go. His plans are easy to follow. His Word enlightens. God is to be reverenced. He endures forever. God's Word is worth more than anything I give a value to.
These are some promises of God's Word I get from this passage.
1. It is complete. - Nothing is left undone.
2. It pulls my life together. - Gives me balance.
3. It is easy to understand. - Enlightens me.
4. It guides me. - Shows me how I should live.
5. It is worth more than anything I value.
So, for me, it is selfishness! I am afraid of loosing me and my desires. Afraid I won't be able to do the things I like to do because there won't be any time left to do them. That is what has been holding me back from going deeper in to my relationship with God.
Heavenly Father, Please forgive me. Help me overcome this. Help me find the balance you have for my life. In Jesus name, let it be so.